Day 303 art meditation … Advent calendar door day December 23 …  

⦿

I did something very brave. I told my 82 year old mother about my dreams, all about the Writer’s retreat, and what I know … What I know deep-inside-my-heart-know. I think the fact that we each had 2 shots of homemade Eier Liquor helped: Egg yolks, sugar, vanilla and grain alcohol. 

Although she has not been interested in listening to any recent videos of Anne Lamott, it DID come out that she read ‘Operating Instructions’, which is somehow progress. 

I like to believe that Mom understands me when I describe my dreams, but she doesn't know how to give feedback, and that’s okay. Someday someone else, someone she understands will tell her about what I’m doing, and then all of this “craziness” will be okay.

I think the reason I’ve been completely nauseous the last 3 days is because I told her and my instinct is that I did something bad. I’m not sure. I also think that telling her makes it a little more real. Yikes. Especially when I think about all the other things I ‘manifested’: this Advent trip, my boyfriend, moving back to the West Coast …

I’s so easy for me to vanish in this household … My mother has endless beautiful domestic plans which is why I came here, but I definitely feel a little guilty being “selfish” and doing these art meditations. Give give give give … I know that even though it doesn’t feel like it, I am building my Heart layer muscle, energy field boundary …

The other raw piece of telling my mother is that I’m still in the PROCESS of shaping all my projects. So I’m posting some unfinished art, where I think - this has potential, when I’d much rather post the final artwork … With courage,

xo Anne

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