May 6, 2023

… pocket of depression, yet again, which makes me panic that I am not doing this journey “right”. Every single day I want to be doing something easier, or my Ego is… Some days my ego just tackles me and takes me down - yesterday was one of them.

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And … with an upcoming trip to PA to visit my parents, ALL the triggers are there - Can we somehow make you look more perfect? WHEN will you get a normal job? Do you know you only have 10 years until you are retirement age? Not to mention the silence around my art and writing. I think when I booked the trip in February I thought I would have my life “together” by June 1st. All of THIS is a story, and I will soon decide to drop it.

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I realize that the invitation is to show up with my family and friends as JUST ME and to try to stay calm in my Energy Bubble, my Heart-Space, as everyone - (everyone’s Ego) - tries to size me up. I just want to say before I arrive, “You are all winning, it’s not a contest.! And, I LOVE my life.” Even if yesterday was completely shitty.

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This is the kind of realness that I want my Heart-Art bundles to bring out, because we don’t emphasize what it means to strengthen our Heart-spaces, our Inner Worlds.

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I’m posting Art from the Ocean Heart-Art bundle that looks like depression to me. It’s imperfect, it’s messy … Actually it’s just kind of a disaster. It’s the kind of thing before I started this All lines are beautiful-journey I would have just deleted. Just make a bee-line towards being happy all the time. Look good on the outside.

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Ram Dass explains a beautiful concept: that every moment has a THICKNESS, every moment includes everything. This messy art, which is the kind of art I want to be part of my art for you, shows the Thickness of a single moment - beauty and pain, joy and sorrow, and all the opposites …

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How to counter this BS depression my ego has created? Create a Gratitude Moment. Here are two big ones:

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I am eternally grateful for my Beloved G who helps me/us, live and create Soulfulness that is our life together. Together our lives are an art piece, and it starts within our hearts.

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I have been told my whole life that my standards for a male partner are too high. I didn’t find G until I was 49, which comes as no surprise. As much as we tried to bang out all relationship deal-breakers when we first met, there are a few amazing things we have now that are more than our lists could have imagined. For example, we read books to each other - WHILE holding hands. It’s pretty ridiculously adorable. Makes my heart totally full.

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The biggest Gratitude is that for all the larger pieces of writing I do, he makes me write and edit until I believe they are “finished”. It’s not about getting him to approve my writing, it’s about having him WITH me on my journey. And if I want a wider audience, I feel it’s important to have a logical male understand and see what I am doing.

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The fact that he loves what I write when I REALLY work on something (which is not really this post 😅), means everything to me, because I’m trying to puncture through the background I - we all? - come from - which is a LOT of logic and practical solutions.

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So here is to creating Sacred Spaces … This is so definitely what I Intend for my Heart-Art Bundles…

Love, Anne

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