Day 295 art meditation … December 15 …  

Advent calendar door day 15 …  

I realize I wear my heart on my sleeve and yesterday it occurred to me for the first time why. Thanks to Prince who I adore more and more, even though he’s been dead for six years. It took me years to understand Prince, and although I loved his first song, and followed his career, I think I took him for granted while he lived. Today I watch him and love, just love, him for his genuine purpleness, his strangeness, his vulnerability and courage and boldness all combined. I would love to design something into him … He and his art gives me so much joy. And I realized that’s what art does, really. It affects someone who you don’t know it’s going to affect. It’s the Soul level.

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On my end, my critical mind is busy trying to understand the rules out there …. Am I following Brene Brown’s Marble Jar rule on sharing? (No). Am I ‘Serving’ the way Oprah says is the rule, am I resonating with people? (Can’t do it, it’s the “should” that I grew up with to help others by sacrificing myself.) Shouldn’t I have more followers? (I can see other people following me just to get more followers.) I always feel like I am floundering. And now I’m visiting my parents who really just want me to play by the rules and be grateful for my paying job. And the big Proof of Being Alive seems to be, are you making money off of your thing? Should should should … But what I’m understanding is that one person’s Soul just WILL affect someone else’s soul. I don’t need to worry, I can be my Heart.

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So tWitch killed himself and I so heartbroken, it’s like he was my brother. My heart physically HURTS. I learned to love tWitch just by watching clips on IG, his his pure joy and the beautiful friendship he and Ellen had … He had everything, and so many things that I don’t have that I want. He had talent and was recognized by someone like Ellen, which means he had income FOR his talent. It makes no sense to me why he would kill himself. 

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Even though I have no real information, something tells me that my full story WILL serve a purpose. Because whatever the mental issue was, what ever the THOUGHT it was that tWitch had, or “emotion” of the moment,  I am somehow convinced that people need to learn how to ground themselves when the shit hits the fan. I think we are still grounding ourselves when we go to yoga class, or when conditions are calm.  

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I think we still need to learn how to ground ourselves when nothing is going our way. I mean a single moment, a bad mood, a bad thought, a bad day, a bad week, a bad decade. Find your heart space and stay there no matter what happens externally. I think his death could have been prevented. My thoughts for the day…

With love, Anne

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