August 18, 2023

I ran into another online hater. I want to share it with you because he was so spectacular-ly to the point. The conversation wasn’t even about my art, or anything about my all-lines-are-beautiful journey. It was just a random quip that said, “Your art sucks, BTW”. This our world, filled with self-hatred, and projecting that onto other people.

My first thought was, ‘I’m okay.’ And then, ‘Good, I’m going in the right direction’. Ten years ago a comment like this would have really hurt. I lived to please then, as a graphic designer. But also as everything else - I just wanted to be loved, I wanted proof of that love, to be understood, to be part of a group, I wanted to show off that love, and feel like I’m doing my life ‘right’. All Ego.

I think the phrase that was swirling around ten years ago in my world was this idea “to be Seen”. And what drove me crazy was watching other people actually being seen by their families and friends … So I know it was one of the reasons I ran away to Northern California at age 43. I had concrete plans of how I was going to be seen. All of which did not work, because the one lesson I had and still have to learn is how to see myself. To give what I am seeking to myself first. Anything else is cheating. This All-lines-are-beautiful path IS the gold-gift.

And so God and The Universe delivered to me ten years worth of tests. Like I am a marble in an ill-designed marble shoot … Like the marble shoots one of my fabulous little nephews has been making since he was little, including recently out the SAND on the beach. Except that Henry builds them so that the marble has a smooth ride. (Which is ironically exactly what we were talking about on that NYTimes thread - building well so that above power lines don’t put lives in danger with wildfires.) I bring my nephew up because this kid is magical and I want him to know it, so I write him and my other nephew & niece endless postcards from their far-away but still adoring Auntie …

I have so much grief - still - that I’ve been trying to recreate my childhood in the last ten years. That I lost so much time being a fabricated, un-organic Anne. I’ve been such a Barbie, and my mother doesn’t even believe in Barbie dolls for her 3 daughters.

About Being Seen, and how I’ve had to ride solo art-wise for 10 years, in order to find myself, I will admit, the piece that I miss most about having clients, is the connection that happens through my art. Even if it was a people-pleasing kind of art, it was still a mutual kind of seeing and it was thrilling. Connection through art. I’m not giving that part up. I just want to change the terms. I want it to be Heart-driven, not Ego.

Meanwhile, I am healing. I find myself buying huge muppet-like felt wool sunflowers from Trader Joe’s with the intention of giving them to my niece and nephew in Paris, but somehow now the sunflowers 🌻 are living in my office, and OMG they make me and my little-girl me so happy.

Intuitively, I know that the harder things get, I feel I am going in the right direction. I wasn’t raised to look for signs and I can feel my family cringe with lack of logic when I say, I see signs now. My walks all over the Bay Area are loaded with signs and pieces of healing.

The Signs and me healing through art, mine (which I love BTW) and my environment:

• 💚💛 A green yellow painted house with a gazillion wood birds, bird houses, flowers, colors, butterflies, matching succulent planters …

• The rows of adorable houses with fabulous colors, right on the San Francisco coast.

• A house in Oakland filled with gorgeous gardening, house colors, and political messages. I love the outward sharing of love and happiness.

• A car that has a playful mural painted on it, and the words, “This is my daughter’s car. She is 7.” LOVE.

• Making paper flowers for a friend because it feels good.

• A mural in SF that says “Life is short. Be yourself.” ❤️

• Sitting at a really long red light, realizing the car ahead of me has a Pixar license plate. I love this creative film company that is committed towards stories of the Hero’s Journey, art, vulnerability and creativity … I love that I live so near to them. I love that someone else is living the dream by working there.

• A dumpy van on the beach that says “I’m Gorgeous Inside”. Love love love.

• Public art everywhere. ❤️

• Dancing on the streets … Native American Indian dancers and drumming in the Mission …

• And there is Heart art everywhere! As a response 😊 I show up with my Heart-Art Bundles.

Much love & so much gratitude,

Anne

Ⓒ 2023 Anne Hunsicker | All Lines Are Beautiful. All rights reserved.