Day 307 Art Meditation … February 14, 2023

I was driving across the beautiful Bay Bridge and the toll words read “FASTRAK OR : VOICE” - the letters “in” of “invoice” were missing. And I realized that’s the message to me: Using my Voice is going to be everything. Using my Voice has to be a key part of this healing journey, because my deepest trigger I am in is to make me silent and shut down. The design is always (relatively) easy for me, and using my voice is the part that scares me the most. 

My life slightly resembles mud right now, so I’m loving the Buddhist phrase, “no mud, no lotus”.

Thank you Rumi, for this next set of instructions, “Be ground. Be crumbled, so wildflowers will come up where you are. You’ve been stony for too many years. Try something different. Surrender.” 

For the record, though, I have not been stony, I have been a wild, juicy, vulnerable, creative, courageous, productive and open wad of Me, through it all, but still a little controlling. Now that I lost my job, I am reminded of that fact and I just can’t control everything.

12 days of moping is not that long, and proof that my inner Heart Space is stronger. I am super proud of myself that I got grounded into my Heart space when I first got the bad news, or is it good news, but I could not stay there 100% immediately. Every new hardship is a test of seeing how quickly I can get there. 

I KNOW that NOT getting grounded is the Ego part of me that is horrified at the loss of having a job that “made things possible.”

The Heart side of me IS SO EXCITED. Maybe without an exclamation point. 

But it’s taken me that long to FEEL the list of Heart lessons, not just use the words, so here is the list. Thank you @dylcentre for your recent post about self esteem and worthiness, because I am becoming more CLEAR on so many things …

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My new Manifesto:

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— I am worthy. 

— I am deserving of inner healing.

— I am worthy of living in alignment to me and all that is my All lines are beautiful brand.

— I am worthy of deserving.

— I am worthy of fulfillment.

— I surround myself with people who know raw, beautiful, heart-truths.

— I am worthy of full respect.

— I deserve to be supported when I fight for Mental Health issues.

— I surround myself with people who support me in my All lines are beautiful journey.

— I deserve to be financially supported.

— I surround myself with people who make me feel seen.

— I deserve to make my dreams come true.

— I deserve to LOVE my work.

— I surround myself with people who make me laugh.

— I deserve to be supported in my authenticity.

— I surround myself with people who make me feel the most me.

— I deserve to be happy.

— I surround myself with people who accept me for who I am.

— I deserve to be deliriously happy.

— I am worthy of living in a complete creative flow.

— I deserve to use my talents. All of them.

— I surround myself with people who allow me to shine.

— I deserve to take up space. 

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With all this awareness, I am picking my direction, and focusing into my Heart space even more…

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And …I am Surrendering … more than I ever have before. I’ll do the work I can do, and the answers for everything are going to have to come from God (which is me), and the Universe (which is me). It’s a really interesting combination of who does what, but I am clear on what I can do and what I know my Heart wants.

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My orchid plant has fully bloomed, and I am looking, with huge gratitude, at her as the metaphor for my life. There is a LOT of work to be done.

Xo, Anne

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#day 307 #gettowork #alllinesarebeautiful #artsoulfully #artmeditation #manifesto #selflove #godinme #universeinme