Posting in my Logo page: some of my truth, a piece of my brand, for love of my life, my messy beautiful life ...
As my life continues to be, The (Actual) Art Piece, there is just no use in rushing it the creative pieces or awareness or lessons learned that are connected to the process. Things come as they come and I have to accept that. The most amazing thing happened recently. I was the given the wonderful gift of being completely furious at someone. One of those negative emotions we are never taught to have. Love is supposed to be all the positives, and so is happiness, and living. God, can we change that? It doesn’t matter what happened really, the lesson is in the trigger. So as I’ve been pondering and pondering what do do, how to figure it out, I suddenly realized with absolute clarity that I believe in the emotional mess of human life. And I feel lucky. The messy getting down to the bottom of something, with us humans trying to understand each other. I love that mess, and also I know I would have been challenged with my belief if I had had children … So we find other people to belong to … That mess is not unfamiliar to me since designing doesn’t pop out perfect for me, and I’ve always from the first time I designed something just trusted that process. Where did I learn that trust? That was a bliss thing to discover about myself.
And so it makes sense to me in now, why this life of Nothing Happens In A Straight Line, and me both learning and having a kind of trust into my future. This strange and beautiful life of mine, which I seem to be designing. I’m being aligned, some would use that word, from my core function out into the world. That makes sense now. The Beauty in that is not just calling it all beautiful, which I do, but making it all beautiful. Not perfect, but with flow. Maybe with edges, but still with flow. Working in the valleys and the hills. And I think key, is not shutting down or hiding. I just BELIEVE in a certain depth of being. Spiritual awakening and Love is messy and full bodied and I am 100% committed to it.
It’s funny, Barbie - people have tried to control me and my particular kind of authenticity before and it’s always a disaster. Specifically, asking me to be a certain level of fake, wow, I mean it’s 2019. I’m so ready for a more authentic world …. And watching people be less authentic than they really are, well, I feel that. It’s also none of my business.
Hilarious generalization here, but generally true, how tired I am of every (!) else speaking the truth or living from the heart or speaking from their heart, at funerals. I’ve been to too many funerals, and I’ve lost too many friends way before their time. I have family members who are struggling with big health things now and the usual “o we are fine, just a cold.'“ The beauty, is, in, the mess. Just picture yourself at the funeral and what you would say or feel or think and say then. That’s what I want now, and I’m sorry, but I’m going to push for it. The point IS the mistakes. Mess and hurdles and shadows and lines that seem to have no light at the end of them … It all is beautiful stuff to work with. Never, never, never shallow perfection or shutting down and hiding.
Meanwhile back to the drawing board. To my life then, not yours. To picturing what I would say at your funeral and saying it now. To learning Surrendering and not controlling how much you are authentic. To harnessing my anger energy into something productive. To harnessing anger, which really deep down, is love. VERY active love. To my showing up, through it all.
With love, xo