I thought I was kind of Superwoman a little with getting so much into one day, both physically and mentally and then my body told me otherwise. Two days now of flu where even sitting up is exhausting is my Achilles heel. I'll take it, because it is my body telling to me to listen and slow down, it is that spiritual reminder that the most amazing things that will come out of me will only happen if I take care of myself in every way. Our bodies are so great at speaking to us through illness as a red flag, if we are determined not to take care of ourselves. Or when we say good enough is good enough. If we are determined not to be spiritual or creative, our bodies wake us up with so many creative signs / illnesses. I know it's a little bit daring saying this, but I'll try it ... It's our bodies forcing us to reset. So ... I'll take it. I'm re-setting. Being sick forces me into patience when naturally I do not have so much. I think maybe there used to be a time not to long ago when I thought that being sick was a complete waste of time, instead of understanding that it's our bodies talking to us, God, lady, you are SO stubborn, I'm taking you down.
I had this perfect walking day with G. It was somehow also the marker of the end of two years of working with my Spiritual guide, my midlife midwife, my friend, my life coach, S. Of course it's not the end, but our working together is having a pause for several reasons which we both love, and so I am feeling my new wing situation. I have them now. I didn't know about them two years ago. First flight is to take my True Love with me to the SF MoMA to take advantage of my membership gift and the whole day, just slather us up with the city we love (or, me more than him, but still) ... I feel floaty and gloaty that my little intuition figured this out years ago when the bullies took over my job and I thought to myself, make that bee line to the Bay Area. This is the time to do it, not later. I took care of my Heart then and have the rewards of it now. That was the biggest gift of that horrific time in my life, to once and for all, learn how to listen to my heart ... (heart = body, body = heart)...
The gift type things keep coming ... Easy gifts are these::
The Yerba Buena Center and their live orange sign outside the Moma with a rotating political / cultural messages (love!), this time to honor Aretha Franklin (love) ... Our garden with happy cherry tomatoes plants. Orange ones. (Love.) Blue pod flowers everywhere, from which later I can make bouquets of dry round pods as art work (Love) (thank you Mom for the source idea) (Smooch.). A little girl wearing pants at the Moma with a heart design (Love!). Details of flowers and vases on the Cafe tables, art art art, a small graphic design exhibit resonating with me and my abilities (remember that, Me :) ... A map illustrator and illustration in the museum that made me just want to move IN. Seeing & hearing the Magritte exhibit a 2nd time to let G have his fill of inspiration ... Just when a wave of exhaustion hit us we exited the Castro MUNI to find LIGHTS .... (God. Love.) Gardening pots, magical green filled sidewalks, the old Philadelphia revamped trolly lines, random abstract art sculptures, electric bus lines everywhere ... A mural in the Castro of two men with the words "Marry me?", which makes me wonder if that was a LIVE proposal once upon a time, which quite frankly, could not be more beautiful a moment .... Residential gate designs, a fabulous knitting store, and gardening wrapped into so many spaces ... Stair cases, and purple buildings and sunlight and spectacular weather. Love love love love.
Back home and days later, hit with the flu, I know that the easy gift is always to have fun. Isn't that what life teaches us, yes? Sure, walking around the city holding hands and being affectionate with G is a dream come true, and isn't it shockingly easy for me to forget all the times when I was yearning for this (!) ... (Good job, Me with some seriously amazing manifestation skills ...) Yes I need the visual inspiration and the walking and to give my introvert something else to do ... This is Playing, remember, and it's so easy for me not to play.
The flu has made me hurt and be still long enough to know that having fun isn't the thing that fulfills me, oh thank God I'm an introvert. And that there are harder gifts to be had. With the recent umbilical cord cut, and with much less handholding and much more stillness, I'm honing into a much deeper me-space ... This is my time to Be everything I've learned.
I love that this Bay Area place is my perch.
I love that I found my left brained male mate for life, who has his own wings ... now that I think about it ...
I love the new wings. I'm not super woman but I do have special powers. And now I get to much more selective about which direction I take flight. The old good-enough spaces won't do, and ignoring my body isn't an option anymore. Ignoring the sensation of flight isn't an option anymore. This isn't about the heights, it's about the lightness.
The biggest challenge, however, out of all this playing, is just about to begin. And I'm so ready. It's the biggest gift.