The topic of favorite movies came up recently for me and G and so I was thinking of all the movies which affect me to my core - my list is so large, but the funeral scene in Four Weddings and a Funeral made it to my list - follow the buckets of love. Maybe my favorite thing in life is how screen writers like Richard Curtis - tap into our hears with character development like that, and so it does become an Inspiration Point for me: create that space. Move it out of a film setting and into my life. That space which I felt in the movie, make it real, make it now, make it for me, make it for my world.
Also I've noticed that the most beautiful things are said at funerals about the person we lost. I lost several friends from early shocking deaths, including one suicide and grandparents from old age, and I know that funeral-space to be a sacred one. Beautiful homilies, real tears, amazing conversations after the service ... It’s usually a time when we gather for the first time in our lives in the same space, taking in the surreal-ness of all of us having known and loved the same person but never having met each other before. I’m taking a deep breath to remember these funeral moments and my friends and family …. I suppose weddings are another potential sacred space, but weddings rank a little less than Sacred to me because for some reason, when we are all living, there is just that much less Realness. When someone marries, we compare to levels of happiness, when someone dies, we know that mortality is the one thing we all have, so there’s no point to be in our less-than-wise-thinking-heads on this one ... Weddings seem to bring out presentation of perfection - we did it at the “right time”, we got into that tiny wedding dress size, who “has” that success and who doesn’t, and then all the visual perfection … Beauty is beauty, and I’m the first to worship it, but beauty can also be attached to pointlessness - that Brooklyn adage, “You look good and that’s all that matters”, it's funny because it's so not true. I love when people have carefully put together the CONTENT, the words, the feelings in a wedding … Design and function, design and function ...
I just had the most amazing trip to visit my East Coast family members and long time friends, and today I am processing two shocking pieces of news in my private world, here at home and in Pennsylvania, which force me to reevaluate what matters to me. The Real-truths, the true connections, the laughter, the seeing each other, relationships with trust, the liquid love … And like the fact that G continues to make me laugh until I can’t breathe with his impromptu scripts and observation about whatever the moment brings. He continues to be my sparkly being who is my Measure of how to Manifest things, that art of the heart which has nothing to do with control …
Carrying all this makes me realize that one of I want to do to process my east coast trip is write love letters to my East Coast friends. It is on one hand my question how can we be more supportive of our friends here and now, but it is also something I do not want to do anymore than you do, but I know that we would do it if there were a funeral, so in my continuing committment to create the space that I want to live in, I’m going with it. Making larger spaces requires effort ... We don't have that Sunday deadline for sermons so it's too easy to blow past deadline. It means going deep with effort, which I continue to find resistance to, but at the same time, it does feel so right that sometimes I feel like I can touch it. Well, okay, in any case I can't ignore it. And if vulnerability is my argument against it, how did I end up with the friends who tell me, “Feel vulnerable all you want, that doesn’t make it true. Each step strengthens you more than you ever know in the moment. Recognize that and you’ll realize the perception of vulnerability is merely a story.” Thank you TH for continuing to say things to me that I can’t argue away … Also, we write amazing wedding vows for each other, why not something intentional for our friends?
This is, then, is for my majestic pink+ haired warrior pastor friend, Susan.
I cherish and am not amazed, that over distance, time and space we can re-ignite our friendship with such ease, simplicity, playfulness, realness and delight. I have a feeling that words will just fail, starting with knowing that telling a Mennonite pastor she is a warrior is hardly a compliment, pacifist that she is (and I am), but please accept the metaphor as the highest of compliments. Your sermons are gold pieces of Inspired Writing and I do hope to routinely connect online to listen. :) I’m so grateful you get this rest & re-juice months in your life now. Having an afternoon with you while during my trip was large-and light-hearted stuff to be sure ... I love how you express yourself, how you process ideas, I love your expansiveness both personally and you in your chosen profession. Just thank you for the bubble(s) of lightness and love. I love how you can expand yourself almost instantly in seeing another persons’ point of view, and tune into their authenticity at the same moment. It’s such beautiful creative thinking, and more so, you weave together thinking and dreaming, thinking and that expansive heart body knowledge … You seem to constantly be able to bring the Expanded Mind ideas to play, it’s an unbelievable gift, and selfishly I miss so much our IKEA days and lunch rituals.
Thank you for reminding me this trip what the phrase “life-giving” is, such a huge infusion of energy and love and lightness that I thought the feeling would last forever, but even now as I write, it’s gotten so much smaller, but that’s because this new way of living in my life is still a little fragile … The practice of creating spaces like this more and more is still new-ish. With time, like practicing flute or any practice of a thing, this realm becomes stronger, wider and easier to hold, like a good boundary almost, and I am always expanding this … And then, on a practical non-spiritual level, my life gets swallowed up whole sometimes with daily routines, or if someone is busy trying to rescue the world, as you are, how does life-giving fit in?
You inspire me with your patience, perseverance and with the all-consuming work you do and the love and wisdom you bring to the table … The tenacity you have to work towards a greater good, when there is personal sacrifice … It’s noble and regal and since as a PK I am the last person to over-romanticize the work of a pastor, a part of me wants you and your family to move to Northern California and do something inspirational, like be my friend. Over here. We have an ocean, she misses you. :)
Lots of love, for today, just another Friday in our lives ….