It’s been a beautiful exhausting week, learning how to trust deep, still movement and carving out those delicious moments of landing … Learning something always, every step, every piece of motion in my life. G and I finally did the thing that has been on my to do list for us, watch together, both Brene Brown TED talks, since, well, since so much. I need him to know about her, her books about Imperfection, showing up, courage, innovation, change, vulnerability, change … And to listen to her own story, her own beautiful way to tell us about her own vulnerability (and courage innovation creativity change.) Concepts like when your “life ends”, as in when you try to engineer staying small … And how at some point her life did “end” … The courage it took for her to follow her heart.
On another note a friend of G’s woke up several months ago paralyzed from waist down, happily married, amazing career, mother of a 14 year old and it turns out it’s some rare spinal disease and there is talk of a year left to live … WHAT. We carry our heavy hearts. Again and again, I feel pointed towards this need for shaping our lives in courageous creative authentic connecting lives, without waiting for a better time ….
I encountered in my world again, yet again, some crazy assed bullying … For some reason, I know there is one, I keep needing to revisit what this feels like against me … I know by now that there is really no power in it, no real power, but it does create this repetitive blinking light for me of what does a thing feel like. And late last night I realized something more … ::
It occurred to me with this woman’s horrible lame attempt at bullying me - that everything, absolutely everything, boils down to voice, and I think that bullying is one of the lowest levels of attempting to have Voice … When I think of the people i’m meeting in my life who I don’t even really have any relationship with, I am able to observe and realize even when the try to involve me, it’s really about them, and their journey on figuring out voice. The socialist in me wishes everyone had what I think are American elite white even, privilege, to have coaches and spiritual guides … Of course if society were just shaped and designed better, that would change, well, everything, but I’m very aware that coaches and Spiritual Directors cost money and these spirit guides have changed my life …. S would say that I changed my life, not she, of course yes, it’s true, my heart sought something and I made things possible, even without huge financial advantage, so okay … It’s really not about the money.
It’s about the kind of curiosity you have, and where are you willing to take that curiosity … Being curious enough to learn about anything, including what our intuitions are pushing us to do …
And believe it or not, but knitting and creating color with my hands, knowing I’m going to give these away (am SO behind in making one of each for me), gives me incredible time to just Be …
Here’s the latest …. Colors I would never had chosen if they were not on sale and now I LOVE them … Steamrolling my way to Christmas, this task slows me down to a delicious ponder, synthesize, let inner things become, get out of my Thinking head space, stop making lists, and best of all, sometimes even G reads a book to me, for total adorableness. :) xoox