I have such amazing friends, and I include my life partner and four parent-units, with this word of friendship. One friend insisted that I create a bitmoji for myself most likely in an attempt to get me to lighten up … Typical Hunsicker issue, I’ll admit. Hilarious is that the image that resonates with me the most right now is this :: I NEED ANSWERS. It could not be more perfect in fact. I’m tired of “trusting”, I just WANT IT. Everything I’m trying to learn, a) set clear and intentions with dates on them, b) surrender, c) let go, d) breathe, e) enjoy the moment, f) get in my body-knowledge by being physical, it still STILL goes down the tubes by varies Spiritual Tests that are sent to me. Unwanted ones, as always, as those are the only ones to learn from. God. And then there’s g) which is be grateful which has got to include my lovely friendship circle, which includes an amazing life partner … I LOVE this image of “me” because I’m exhausted-completely-sick-of the Spiritual Tests, they are getting to the point of outrageously surreal, that the only place they would make sense is in something unreal, non-life-like, like something you read about but know is not true, so it’s okay. I’ve always been a believer of self care, not just because I’m an introvert, but also because of the book “Highly Sensitive Person” where the author has researched higher than normal levels of sensing and sensitivity. But another reason self care is so important is this damn Journey I am on. Anyone want to trade? Oh, which reminds me of h) which is to accept one’s journey. Fuck. I want what I want in the same demanding way that I learned from all the demanding German women who raised me, the old culture that surrounds and surrounded me. Of course I know this is part of my old Framework of who I am, how I function. That this is a kind of reacting that by now I have actually Unlearned, see above list A-G. I do know more now, have more tools, use more brain cells, make decisions to think differently and get Grounded via my body …. And all of this is why I love the halo as my “hat”. I do know that I’m the heroine of this story, and have the most amazing cheering squad, whose words of support love direction feedback wisdom, when my own trust fails, will all go down into my journal, to use at another time. Also, G and I recently had a conversation about what it means to ask for so called vacation time (American style, which is non-existent), which just to some seems fluffy and princess-ie … I have never been more low, which is really saying something, and so my fight (Voice!) to get this time carved out has never served a more important purpose … In just a few days a ritual autumn vacation in the Sierras with G. Am enormously and endlessly grateful. I need serious repetitive infusions of Mother Nature and quiet time. Things will become clear, I will find myself again. I did laugh two times today, which was total progress.